caress
by Devilzzz
Summary: Ginny Weasley had an abortion when she was sixteen - what happens when she meets up with the father of the child she never had? GD, chapter six.
1. i never had your heart

caress

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, it's settings and characters all belong to the divine J.K. Rowling. I only own the plot and my own typed/written words.

A/N: written for old time's sakes.

Summary: Ginny Weasley had an abortion four years ago when she was sixteen; what happens when she meets up with the father of the child she never had?

__

///knew the signs

wasn't right

I was stupid

for a while

swept away

by you

and now I feel

like a fool

so confused 

my hearts bruised

was I ever loved by you?

out of reach,

so far,

i never had your heart///

out of reach

couldn't see

we were never meant to be///

"I want you, Ginny," he whispered, grasping her shoulders lightly, and pulling her back against him. She gave a small sigh of submission, drowning into the smell of him; she had never felt this way before. Her chest was heaving with something so indescribable, so powerful she felt as if she was suffocating; the electrifying tingling ran through her skin, the familiarity washed over her once more, like an eclipse of lightening. 

She tipped her head back, looking up at him, every part of her mind remembering his features. There was a flash through his eyes; something that lived longer than life, something that she couldn't intercept. But she knew it was there. Still gazing up at him, she tucked her hand into his, shivering as his skin met hers. She was sometimes scared by the reaction she often got from one single touch of him.

He reached for her other hand, which she reluctantly gave. He pulled her against him, rolling his fingertips on her thumbs. Pushing her red curls back behind her ears, let go of one of her hands to touch her face. Grazing her cheekbone tenderly, touching the tip of her nose, where tiny freckles sprinkled over her creamy white skin. He leaned forward, capturing his lips with hers. He could feel her heartbeat against his racing one. She responded to the kiss gently, as if she was afraid she would break something that was too fragile. It was intensified; he could feel her every movement writhing under him, he could hear every moan that escaped so softly out of her mouth; he could feel her, and only her. Both of his hands trailed slowly and carefully from her hips, sliding upwards to her shoulders, rubbing them affectionately before catching the back of her head, so that he could prod her further. She parted away from him, blinking.

"What was that?" she whispered.

He smiled at her, caught in the moment, in admiration. Pressing a single finger to her lips, he observed her before answering. "It was a kiss."

She looked down, grabbing his hands, brushing against him as she looked up at him again, wanting to push the strand of silver-blonde from his eyes. 

"Let's go inside," she suggested. "It's cold out." Ginny clutched herself, shivering.

He leaned over, his heated breath fanning her face, causing a jolting tingling to run over her skin, and touched her chin with his thumb. "Are you sure it's the cold?"

"No," she retorted, and catching herself, she blushed. "Let's go inside."

"If you insist," Draco answered, and wrapped his hand around her shoulder as they walked beside together, heading to the castle.

____

_________

Twenty-year-old Ginny drained all thoughts out of her head, feeling as if she had disposed everything. She could still hear the thumping of blood in her ears; the grotesque taste lingering in her tongue, her throat clouded with something that stung. She was drunk, and she knew it. Her head was pounding with agony. She whimpered, blinking her eyes into vision. 

The memories had created far more pain, however. She could still see them clearly in her mind. She could still feel that night; she could still feel his breath, his touches, his noises, his everything. And she could feel herself present in the glorious occasion, throwing everything away.

She tasted her own tears in her mouth, bittersweet, but refreshing after the vodka. The strong smell still pondered upon her nostrils. She wondered if she would ever feel like that again; like she was in a dream, like she was in a state to do nothing but accept his kisses, his touches, and drown in the sensations that came with it. 

She had never felt that good, that tantalized, that addicted to one person. It was too powerful than intoxication; and even more than love. It was a feeling that she would only feel with him; and the chance had been taken away.

And now that feeling was gone.

____

_________


	2. what do you do

caress

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, it's settings and characters all belong to the divine J.K. Rowling. I only own the plot and my own typed/written words. Songs on top do not belong to me.

A/N: written for old time's sakes.

Summary: Ginny Weasley had an abortion four years ago when she was sixteen; what happens when she meets up with the father of the child she never had?

__

///what do you do

what do you do

when everything is broken

what do you say

what do you say

when no one's

at the moment

because you're not here 

and even if you were here

all I could say

what do I do what do I do

I am broken

but I can't throw us away///

//you snap it

bend it

burn it

then you find out you can fix it

fall back///

"It'll be fun, Ginny," Hermione advised her logically. "You've been down lately." Ginny looked up, looking at the brown-haired girl with dubiously. 

"Oh come on, you haven't been out for years," she insisted.

Ginny scowled. "Not for years. Months, possibly. Weeks, of course. But not years."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Fine. Weeks or months. It's still a long time. Please? All clients from my work will be there, Ron will be there, and Harry..." she trailed off suggestively.

"I do not want to see _Harry_," the redhead snapped scathingly.

"I am just saying your friends will be there..."

"You mean _your _friends," replied Ginny bitterly. 

"Ginny, come on...please?" Hermione pleaded. Ginny looked at her; she seemed completely sincere.

"Well, alright," she said, sighing. "Fine."

"Great." 

"But it doesn't mean I'll enjoy it," warned Ginny moodily.

"You don't have to."

________

____

The music, the lights and the blaring sounds of chattering drummed against her eardrums. The pain in her neck and head was clearly not going to dissolve any time soon. Gazing around at the party, she took one step back. Nobody noticed. Another step. Nobody even looked her way. She turned around and walked through the narrow hallways until she found the bathroom. Stepping inside, she tried to lock it, but found that the lock was broken.

"Damn, why didn't I bring a wand?" Ginny murmured, scolding her idiotic self, and reached into her purse and pulled out the small bottle, unscrewing the top as hurriedly as she could, and drunk it all with one, massive sip, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

She threw the bottle, and it shattered into many pieces on the tiles of the floor, any remaining bits of liquid splashing over her shoes. Her hands tumbled against many items in her purse until she found another small bottle, full. Sighing timidly, she took it out, and began unscrewing the top in an orderly fashion.

_________

_____

Draco Malfoy stood against the wall, examining the party with a cross between amusement and disgust all at once. He was truly distraught that he had accepted the invitation in the first place. He put his glass of water down, and bit his lower lip, about to leave when a familiar voice prompted,

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

He turned around, surprised to see that it was none other than Hermione Granger, who was staring at him disapprovingly.

He smirked smugly. "_I_ was invited."

"By who?" she challenged.

"That, I am afraid, is none of your damn business," he replied with narrowed eyes.

"But..." Hermione stammered. With one, definite glare, she finally turned away from him, disappearing into the crowd of many guests.

This sucks, the back of his mind told him. Get out of here. He sighed in defeat, straightening up so he could see over the many guests, and began to plunge through them with his arms outwards. When he was finally in the hallway, he looked around, puzzled. There were many doors - but which one led to the exit? Trying the first door, he saw that it was a spare bedroom. He shut it tight; in other times, perhaps he would use it for better use with another girl, but he was in no mood to seduce anybody at the moment. He walked to the second door and opened it easily; it was a bathroom. He observed it and a surprising sight met his eyes.

A girl was hunched over the sink, her hair in disarray of red curls, her matching dress wrinkled and crumbled in several places, smashed glass at her feet. She whimpered, and he cautiously went toward her.

"Err...are you sick?" he asked. He had no idea why he was asking in the first place; it was no useful information to him.

She looked up, her brown eyes looking at him, startled. There was no mistaking the slim, curved figure that he had once pressed against, there was no mistaking the creamy white skin that he had touched so many times; there was no mistaking the familiar face, a bit older, but still innocent, her hair a mass of wavy curls that enveloped her face in an appealing way.

He was aghast.

"Ginny?"

___________

______


	3. the moment i saw you cry

****

caress

//it ended so soon

you were all by yourself

staring up at a dark gray sky

I was changed//

in places no one will find

all your feelings go deep

inside//

deep inside//

was there that I realized

that forever

was in your eyes

the moment i saw you cry...//

it was late in September//

and I've seen you before

you were always the cold one

but I was never that sure

you were all by yourself

staring at up at a dark gray sky

I was changed//

in places no one will find all your feelings

go deep inside

was there that I realized

that forever was in your eyes

the moment I saw you cry//

//Cry//

//Mandy Moore//

~/~

"Ginny?" he whispered, astonished at the girl before him. She tilted her head from the sink, a look of weary tiredness washing over her face, but her eyes were glittering with deception; Draco shivered in realization; she had no idea who he was.

He wanted to grab her, kiss her, and tell her it was him, the guy he had let go only four years ago; but he knew she would not be able to comprehend it, she was too drunk at the moment. He grasped her upper arms, pulling her further. She gave him one, dazed look before she collapsed in his arms, her eyes tightly closed. He observed her anxiously, pulling her red hair away from her face.

Two beads of tears had crawled down her cheeks.

~/~

Ginny woke the next morning in a strange room. It seemed like an ordinary guestroom, and yet several out-of-place things were in it, like several photographs of a silver-blonde woman that looked almost half-Veela. She was in several different poses, a smile that shone throughout every photo. Ginny was in a rather different state than happiness, however. Her head was aching with pain; her throat stung. She groaned and whimpered aloud. She had been drunk once again; and she was in somebody else's house.

Please, please, she hoped to herself. Please don't make it what I think it is...

She was startled when the door to the small, enclosed room swung open. Ginny furrowed her eyebrows at the agonizing headache and lifted herself up in a sitting position. The person that came in, peered into the doorway first before coming in. It was only seconds before she saw him. He was tall, who could easily tower over her. His traits were not unlike the woman in the photographs on the walls; he had identical gray eyes, and silver-blonde hair that hung over his forehead. He was extremely handsome, and his pale features added to this factor. He was wearing a black sweater and black pants underneath the silver robes that covered his lean body.

"You're awake?" he asked, his voice cold and expressionless.

Ginny's lips shifted as she looked down at what she was wearing. The same thing she had been wearing last night. Relief began to spread across her. Then, she looked up again, biting her lip shyly.

"Um...yes. What am I doing here?"

"You mean, you don't remember?" he asked in a bored tone. 

"No," she prompted.

"Oh, the same old, same old. Drunk, wake up next night..." he said in a testing range of a voice.

Ginny felt her heart pound - how could he possibly know? No, he couldn't have...he couldn't have known what had happened four years ago...although Ginny felt a lump in her throat rise. He looked almost like Draco, but it was wishful thinking that it would ever be him.

"Who are you?" she asked suddenly.

He avoided her question easily. "I have some extra clothes for you - it's my mother's, but they'll fit you. Do you want me to help you get home? Or can you Apparate?"

Ginny raised an eyebrow. He seemed awfully insecure all of a sudden. His babbling made her vaguely suspicious, but she merely got up gracefully from her bed, her arms folded over her chest.

"I can Apparate...no need for the clothes, I am sorry for the trouble," she added, even though she had no idea what he had done to her...he seemed completely sincere, but that didn't mean much...

"No trouble," he retorted in the same cold, lazy tone of his.

Ginny reluctantly went toward him, not sure what to do. Pay him? Hug him? Shake his hand? She went for the second choice, wrapping her arms around him. She declined the urge to give a soft sigh as she felt the familiar warmth fill against her - how long had it been since she had been since she had hugged another boy like this? Her hands clutched the ends of his hair. Four years, a voice reminded her. She wrinkled her nose, widening her eyes. _What the hell are you doing!? You can't hug a complete stranger just because you're pathetic!_ He stiffened, not returning the embrace. His hands were stonily at his sides, refusing to move. She let go quickly, offering him an embarrassed smile.

"Ummm, just ...to thank you."

"Your welcome," he replied curtly in the dead-prone voice.

Ginny waved, and Apparated instantly. 

~/~

Draco lay down on the floor, his mother's face smiling down at him from many photographs stuck to the wall. He looked away from her, his hands pondering the back of his hair. She had touched him here...he knew he was being pathetic, trying to get back something that had been over for years...but her touch still lingered there.

~/~

Ginny turned the knob to her apartment, and opened it, walking to the bedroom. Not even caring to take off her clothes, she collapsed on the bed, knowing when she woke up again, she would probably not remember anything, or regret everything she had done for the last few hours. Her hands curled up by her side. She looked at her hands; something was stuck between her fingers. Frowning, she took it out. It was a single, strand of silver-blonde. She smiled timidly, looking at it.

__

It looks just like Draco's, she thought to herself. She peered at it, and felt a tingling run up her spine as she stared at it, leaping up from her bed in horror.

__

That's because it is...

~/~

Basic things you need to know:

1) the top songs do not belong to me.

2) hp, settings, characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me.

3) I only own the plot, and any additional characters you're not familiar with from the series, and my typed/written words.

4) This story might be strange, but it doesn't matter because I love writing it.


	4. if only she knew

****

caress

i don't know who's side i am taking/

but i am not taking things too well/

i can see inside your aching

but it's still too early for me to tell/

i try to help you out/

through the hardest times/

sometimes your heart

is in your throat/

and i am speaking my mind/

though it looks as if it's over/

i am still not over you/////

i am still not over you/

if only she knew//

//Michelle Branch

//If Only She Knew//

~/~

__

Just another sip, her mind prodded her. She took the sip thoughtfully, then took another massive one. She felt the familiar stinging of warmth wash down her throat before falling into the bed, feeling everything blur away around her...

~/~

He looked around. Just do it, just do it, he told himself confidently. It's just her. You've known her for years. Just do it. He picked up the phone, and hesitantly began dialing.

~/~

"How was the party?" Hermione's excited voice broke through the other line of the telephone. Ginny rubbed her eyes vigorously before taking a deep breath and answering.

"Ummm...there's something you should know," Ginny started to say - but a beep interrupted her. "'Mione, can I call you back? Somebody's on the other line."

"Sure, Gin," Hermione's muffled voice answered, and there was an audible click as the other person reached the line.

"Hello?"

Ginny jumped slightly. It was a male's voice.

"Hi," she replied tentatively. "I am sorry, who's this?"

"It's me." The voice was cool, collected as he said this. Her heart skipped inwardly.

"You..." she said, the word rolling off her tongue.

"Draco. Malfoy?" 

The phone nearly dropped from her grasp as it shook. Ginny's voice quivered as she retorted, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

"No."

"But - you have a muggle telephone?"

"No. I am using one of those little muggle booth things..."

"A payphone?" she suggested.

"Yeah."

"How did you get this number?" she asked, disbelief washing over her. She was still not content with his short answers.

"You're listed," he merely said. "Why did you list yourself at the muggle directory though?"

She didn't answer. Pausing, she asked, "Why did you call?"

There was a long silence at the other end. "I wanted to hear your voice again."

Ginny felt as if she could collapse any moment. Her knees were shaking underneath her, and she leaned against the wall, one palm on the wall to keep her balance, closing her eyes tightly. She wondered if this was a dream. If it was, she never wanted to wake up from this bliss.

"Oh," she managed to whisper. "Was there - there anything else?" she asked, gulping in the process of saying this.

"Actually there is." He sounded feeble, even a bit nervous as he said this. "I was wondering - if we could catch up."

"Oh..." Ginny wittingly said. She was falling.

"Maybe go out for coffee."

"Oh..."

"You don't have...to..." his voice had a grimace as he said this.

"No, no, it's okay...err...when?" she finally croaked.

"I'll call you tomorrow and tell you. My time's running out, and I don't understand muggle money at all."

"Sure. Bye," she hurriedly said, and hung up the phone quickly, smashing herself against the wall and falling into the floor, her head tipped back, feeling a lump in her throat rise. She wanted to throw up.

The phone rang once more. Ginny reached for it.

"Hello?"

"Hey. It's me," Hermione's voice prompted.

"Hermione?"

"Mmm?"

"You won't believe what just happened..."

~/~


	5. In this life

****

caress

//you can run from me

and you can hide from me

but i am right beside you

in this life// 

//Chantal Kreviazuk

In This Life//

~/~

In one of the first times in Ginny Weasley's life, she was debating on whether or not to injure herself severely so she would not be able to go. It wasn't the fact that she was nervous - which she was - it wasn't the fact that she was scared - which she always was - it was the fact that this date was different than the rest. She would be going out with a guy from her past - and it seemed obscene to do so. 

She tried on several different outfits. They all had flaws. One was too sluttish, another too conceptive, another too see-through, another with too many layers. It was an hour later that she settled for a white blouse, a black skirt that went just beyond her knees, and matching boots, and pulled her hair up. She looked classy, not too desperate, and she was comfortable, even though the boots felt like a thousand knives against her feet with each step she took. 

When he picked her up around seven o'clock in the evening, she almost tripped over her own shoes - thankfully, he was looking the other way while that happened. He looked absolutely gorgeous, as usual of course. Casual appearance, his hair enveloping his forehead, his pants neither tight nor baggy, but black and fit around him comfortably like second skin, his shirt unbuttoned at the collar, and he smelled of wine and ginger. 

She yearned to be close to him, but threw away that yearning quickly as they entered the restaurant. When he pulled a seat out for Ginny, she took it as graciously as she could, and after they made their orders, complete silence filled between them. 

"How have you been?" he finally asked, poised forward.

"Oh. Well, I've actually..."

The conversation started as dull and forced but grew more gentle and personal, the luminous light on the candle fading as the silence grew into more. He occasionally grazed her cheekbone, she frequently brushed a strand of silver-blonde that was falling over his eye, and she would blush, while he would occupy the embarrassment with a small sentence that made her laugh. What was relaxing them both were the enormous portions of the drinks they had. It made their minds numb and distraught, not able to think of the consequences of their actions, what they were doing or what they were saying. 

"More vodka, I think?" Ginny asked, raising a suggestive eyebrow, and a timid smile stretched out in her mouth before she burst out in insane laughter, a line of wine dribbling from her chin and rolling into her neck.

"Yes, yes," he replied jovially, waving his hand dismissively, slurring his words, his foot sliding across hers, nudging her thighs apart. "One more bottle of vodka, then we go dancing!"

And to think - that extra bottle of vodka would change their lives.

~/~


	6. We've all been hurt before

**caress**

****

//we've all been hurt before

you know we've all been hurt before//

                                                //hurt before

                                                            the corrs//

                                                ________

                                                _________

Ginny Weasley had no idea where she was. Like many times before where she usually had a hangover, she would wake up, and know it. Her head would pound, her arms would have wounds – any evidence would be bluntly in front of her.

And yet, this time, it was entirely different.

Because this time, yes, she could taste the vodka in her tongue. And her lower regions ached in agony. But she didn't care about that.

What she cared about was the fact that she was naked, in the same room she had been in her last hangover, and the person beside her on the bed, his arm wrapped securely around her waist, his breath fanning her neck…was Draco Malfoy.

                                                ____________

                                                       _____

There were lights, she remembered. Music, as well. A slow, morbid melody drummed against her eardrums. She knew she was drunk, and she loved it. She didn't know what she'd do without vodka – it was, after all, her favorite addiction in the world. She could swing back her head, slur words, and wouldn't care for another twenty-four hours. The next morning she could even wake up married, or somewhere she had never been before. But the fact that her date, Draco, was also drunk was even more exciting than she anticipated. They were dancing far too close – she could feel his reaction to her against her waist, but she didn't move away. Her arms hung numbly around his shoulders, their legs and knees pressed together, foreheads brushing against each other, talking in tones where nobody could distinguish the words they were speaking. She loved being near him, close to him like this after all these years. She loved that she had worn a thin, green dress that he liked to wander his hands under. Yes, he had been a perfect gentleman at the beginning, but she didn't want him to be like this anymore. She had what she wanted.

They were smashed. Entangled in each other's embraces, moving in rhythm, creating friction that made their bodies swell with both pain and pleasure. She could feel his heartbeat against hers – her pulse was quickening, and her reflexes slow. She was not only addicted to the wineglass she rapidly sipped and asked to fill several times – she was drunk to him, and he was drunk to her – just the way it was supposed to be.  But something was wrong. His hands weren't stopping. Even when she whispered 'no,', his hands never stopped. They slid under her dress, nudged her thighs apart…then she collapsed against him, her breath heavy, her world blurred into various colors and pieces. She could feel arms underneath her ankles and back, something was pulling her…

When she opened her eyes, she felt someone's lips against hers, and didn't bother to stop them. She felt dizzy, relaxed and dazed. She wanted to throw up and die at the sensations he was providing her at the same time. She was completely aroused at the feeling of him pushing against her. Her red hair was drenched with liquid from the shattered wineglasses, and was strewn over her face like tiny tendrils of auburn. His lips were gentle and tender, and his hands pondered her sides many times before managing to get her dress off. What happened next, she couldn't remember. She could still hear herself screaming as he thrust into her as slowly as possible – and then – then – everything went dark.

Everything was empty.

                                                ________

                                                ______

"Draco…" Ginny prompted, grazing his shoulder blade. His eyes fluttered open after a moment's pause before he awoke, his gray eyes boring into hers.

"My God…" she whispered. "What have I done?"

                                                ________

                                                  _______


	7. half a heart to love you

****

caress

/// acting like nothing's wrong

and everything's okay///

///I've got half a heart to love you

half a mind to leave

torn between what i want

and what i need///

half a heart to love you//

half a mind to leave...ohhh yeah...//

only half a heart///

so do your Jaclyn and Hyde thing

your out of sight is out of mind thing//

and then go and try to save it with a kiss///

half a heart

by h & claire

"Ginny..." the name rolled off of his tongue, and a look of apprehension poured over his face like a grimace as he used one hand to get up, one hand placed on the bed. She felt her breath caught in her throat as the blanket dropped off, revealing his chest. She looked away, feeling her heartbeat pound against the ribs of her chest.

"Oh God," she repeated, her eyes fluttering several times as she blinked, the sheet clutched around her, her hair brushing against her face. "I need to leave."

He parted his lips as if he wanted to protest, but his mouth only moved wordlessly, emotions that she could not distinguish running through his eyes.

"I am sorry..." he finished, his arms now clutching himself, as if he was cold, without warmth.

She tried to lower herself out of bed, but found that she couldn't. Perspiration was trickling down her sides, and she felt uncomfortable getting out of bed naked. She sat upright on the bed, beside him, not saying a thing, her cheeks flushed, tears welling up to her eyes. She could smell the fragrance of vodka, sweat and sex around her.

Vodka. Vodka had caused this. Vodka had brought the past back.

"Ginny...don't cry, don't," he said, in a pleading tone of voice, his hand running through her back comfortingly. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of his hand against her bare skin. He seemed to be enjoying it as well, as he sat upwards, grazing her shoulders, his forehead pressed at the back of her neck after separating two bundles of auburn hair. It was making goose bumps on her skin. Touching him was both heated and cold, like a brushing stroke of being thrown into the ocean, then burned into ashes of a fireplace. Draco brought her closer to him, folding his arms around her chest. She shivered, her teeth searing into her mouth, drawing blood as his lips lingered on her skin. He had soft lips, soft lips that tickled her skin with a wave of restrained tenderness. The intensifying electricity between them felt like being spun many times before falling.

And then - something occurred to her. She jumped, and he sharply withdrew his hand, leaning close so that his lips caught at her earlobe, "What is it?" he asked in a puzzling voice.

"N-n-nothing," she stammered. "Nothing at all."

How could she know that this 'nothing' she said didn't exist in the future would cost her?

~/~


End file.
